i am a victim of the times

Your life is gonna course like a history book, Don't be frightened of turning the page

2011-09-09T04:57:00.000-04:00

Being awake at 4 am on a Friday morning is not exactly something I would plan. I guess lately I’ve had a lot on my mind, and been wondering exactly how things will pan out. I am fairly content with most of the going-ons in my life right now. Work has gotten better, just meaning I am no longer on the phones having people cuss me out or threaten me, Dave and I are still fine, I am trudging away in the dark wondering about the future just as most people my age are doing…blindly.

My days seem like blurs, more so now then before through my college years. Most of my friends I only get to see once and a great while, and I am beginning to learn the ins and outs of being an old married couple day by day.

I do sense some things missing, such as my long blog rants about the future, the present, but mostly the past. How things turned out the way they did is still a mystery to me. I know everyone who is my age is going up feeling the same way. Our generation is an interesting one. We grew up where most of us, by the time of Junior High were getting our first computer, by high school we were already ignoring our parents deep in our rooms rooting around on the internet learning things that our parents didn’t learn until later in life. Guzzling information and knowledge just as fast as we could and ignoring that sometimes what you do know can hurt you too.

We are growing up in a generation where concerts is a mass of digital cameras and cell phones, documenting every ounce of the event to the point you can smell the sweat, cigarettes, and beer through each photo, bootlegged sound clip, and YouTube video. We are so busy documenting our lives we don’t enjoy them. Everything, and everyday is nothing but a mass of who is doing what on twitter, who will post photos from this party or that get together on Facebook. Who meet who, and where did these people who I may have spoken to 3 times in my whole life go on vacation.

I am not slamming these social networks, I am addicted as the rest of you, but I am slamming our generation.

My mom recently got out all of her Elvis photos, posters, everything and put them up so they are covering the walls of the living room. Wither it is a midlife crisis, or just a mental release, I admire it. She knows everything about him. I don’t think there is a thing she doesn’t know about that man, or that is hasn’t read in her collection of 50+ books about him, or her hundreds of magazine articles she owns. Even now, she has access to the computer and internet at a perfect time. She can keep reading all she can about him. I guess I admire her for doing that because she did something that makes her happy, she didn’t leave all these things she loves in air tight plastic bags, but bringing them out into the light, so she can walk into a room and feel this warmth and love that our generation feels through a computer screen, or an iPhone.

I think it is all about being tangible. Just as people who take all those photos from concerts just to post on facebook (so others may live through them) and they never get printed and placed in an album, but burned to a cd. Nothing is tangable anymore…it is all digital, and deep down it makes me sad. Sure I use a digital camera, and I am even an avid supporter or digital camera are taken with a cell phone, but I hope I don’t look back when I am older and say

“I wish I could have lived and experienced life without a screen blocking my view”

Our generation is an odd one, we have nothing to compare it too. I am not slamming technology, I am glad we aren’t living in caves, but I think we may be abusing this privilege.

We are just simply forgetting to experience life, rather than just live it.

I could've been a painter, or the world's greatest wit I could've been a sailor, but the hat didn't fit

2011-08-25T22:48:00.000-04:00

Editing photo listening to Matt Berry. I know how to spend my evenings

PS. This is Randall, one of the best writters I know. You should totally check him out.

Mojo-Wire

or click the link on my website

Carrie Humphreys Photography and Design

or the facebook page for more awesome photos like this!
Carrie Humphreys Photography

Nothing like spending an evening of shameless self promotion, in all seriousness though, this one of Randall I think is one of my favorites of that day.

with guns blazing

2011-08-08T23:59:00.002-04:00

every once and a while, I have to have a little fun with my photos.

You get em little guy!

i turn my camera on

2011-08-03T22:49:00.001-04:00

I do miss shooting with film.

Life was so much simpler then.

Becoming an unintentional artist

2011-07-11T20:48:00.000-04:00

I've always been creative. As far back as I can recall - I, like many kids, loved to draw, play with clay, pretend. I have 3 imaginary friends. I was the so called "artists" growing up in my elementary school class. Always drawing (not well though).
Then I got into making music, and that was a creative outlet....something I planned on doing my whole life. When you go to college for something, and are forced to do it every day, that is the true test if you love it or not. When my love of my clarinet was dwindling, I picked up a digital camera from a local retailer, and that was how I would relax. Go out and click that shutter. Then when I was stuck wondering what on Earth I was put here for, and I took my first photo class and placed that paper in the tray, and saw that image appear, I was hooked...line and sinker.

I am told, mostly by my husband, I should only discuss new works, but while going through stacks and stacks of CD from my first years of college, my time at MU, failed attempts to create art...I am seeing this stuff in new light. Maybe its old light, but I can see what I was trying to get at, or maybe it was something I was working on, gave up on, and now can look at it and feel like it good.
I don't want to be famous. I just want to do something I love for the rest of my life...is that so much to ask?

This one that I posted is from when I went through my scanning things phase. I don't know my intention for the set of fake teeth, or the soy sauce packet...but I like it...all of it actually...together. Working together on the bed of a scanner.

This started as a bio...

2011-07-09T07:31:00.000-04:00

While working on my website, I was writing the bio (which I hate to do) and it slowly became a rant, but a rant I felt good writing, so since my bio is no place to rant,
I guess you really want to know the real me, right. I am sure my education is impressive and all, but how will you know that I am the kind of photographer, or artist that you will click with enough to have me around you for a long period of time, or someone you would want me around while you are having the most important day of your life. I might as well just tell you a little about myself. You know my name, and if you have looked at the website you may have seen my style. I love photography and have always loved it. It has been a part of my life since I got my first little camera from a yard sale for $1, and when I would watch my father take photos as an amateur photographer growing up. It was always a hobby for me until my second year of college, and I decided to change my major from Music Education to Art. Really it went from a major people thought you were crazy to get into, to a major most would scoff at, and try to strike up a conversion about how there 5 year old loves to draw. I'm not saying they can't. Some of the most interesting art I have seen has been at children's art shows.
Just because you have a degree does not mean you are an artist. It is the driving force behind it, and how it makes you feel. I feel the most at ease behind a camera or on a computer editing. I am not putting down those of us with degrees. We spent 4 years of our life concentrating on how to be better at what we love, and you've got to respect that. If being an artist is something you want to do, you do all you can to accomplish this. After spending $60,000 and 4 years of your life concentrating, eating, breathing, and making art 9 to 10 hours a day I feel you have a right to be proud of what you can do and what you can accomplish. Because of college, I've had shows, been published, and got to do things I never thought I'd be able to do. So don't knock our degree because you don't have one, But understand us if it annoys us that you just bought a $800+ camera and call yourself a professional photographer the day you buy it. It takes time, if you don't have a degree, but want to be a professional photographer, take a photo everyday, not with a digital camera, but with film. You will find when you are limited from having 1000 photos to 24, you will see the world differently. You concentrate more on how that view in the viewfinder makes you feel and how it looks. Go to art shows...EVERYWHERE YOU CAN. It doesn't matter if it's a photo show, sculpture, painting, anything...just go look at art. While in college, I did not appreciate this enough, and now that I have all those art shows I "had' to go to, I appreciate it so much more now. Draw. Scribble out things you are thinking. Get a note book and keep all your ideas in it..even if they are crazy and something you wouldn't do. Research any of those ideas that you come up with and you want to do. Even if you are a wedding, high school senior, photographer, don't think you shouldn't do this, or it doesn't apply to you. You will learn that it will make your shots better then ever before.
I guess this rant is, in all honesty, that if you have a degree in art, you get looked down on enough, that you don't need people who don't have degrees in art, but clams to do art yelling in your face about how you don't need a piece of paper to do art. You are right...but the things behind that paper that I learned, and the experiences gained is worth being proud of..so don't rain on my diploma.

Rawr

2011-06-26T18:51:00.000-04:00

2011-06-24T09:25:00.002-04:00

YOU ARE TOAST

2011-06-20T22:20:00.000-04:00

My first job was at the Charleston AlleyCats baseball team.
Good memories, good friends made, and got taught some great lessons on growing up. I miss the place sometimes, but mostly that time in my life when things didn't seem so complicated. Of couse, being a teenager, I thought everything was drama.

I can't complain though. My best friend Cameron lived near the park, and work there for a few years with me, an I was dating the mascot.
I decided to do this piece when I did the beeper piece I posted earlier. Something about this style I really like, and I love the fact that I can do this for all these characters that are important to Charleston and West Virginia. I am learning to love this state more with each passing year, and I hope I can become a bigger part of the art community here and help it grow.

2011-06-19T08:35:00.000-04:00

Mine, Davids and Glen Brogan's pieces of Beeper in the FestivALL parade!

Everyone wave like mad, and say bye cartooners!!

2011-06-15T21:57:00.001-04:00

I saw on FestivaLLs website that WSAZ 3 is looking for designs for there van for the parade. As soon as I saw this reuqest, I've been spending all my time outside at lunch drawing as many different designs as I could come up with. With the dead line Friday, and a cookout I have to go to tomorrow, this was my best chance to try to get one of my designs out on paper.
I am, in no way, a graphic designer, I am a photographer 100% but I like to pretend I know what I'm doing.
It is not even close to as good as my dear friend Glen Brogans piece, but I am pretty happy with it.
Comments and criticisms are more then welcome.

you better start swimmin’ or you’ll sink like a stone

2011-06-08T08:22:00.000-04:00

I have not updated this, as you can tell, for a very long time. Life has been moving just about the same pace as it did on that last post with only a few epiphanies to cause me the urge to update.
Before I tell recent goings on, I must mention first that about a year ago, I had an interview for a state job. Possibly one of the worst interviews I have ever had, and it was all because of my degree. The job I was applying for you had to have a high school diploma...I was well over qualified in that sense, but some how this guy made me feel like I couldn't find my way out of a cardboard box. I prepared myself while I was in college, knowing I was getting a degree that would not make it easy for me to find a job, but when placed in that situation, it still bothered me a great deal, but it also got me to thinking. I went to college to study something I love, so I could have a job I hate? That can't be right...I went to college to learn the skills I need to master a craft, and although I think art is 90% skill, and 10%knowledge, (notice I did not refer to it as talent) I still felt inadequate to accomplish what I really wanted to do. This may be the same reason whenever I get questions of "what kind of camera should I buy?" and I gladly help them out, then only to get so mad when I see they are trying to start there own photo business, stealing shots I took, and they are getting more business then I am.
I am rambling I know...
I say all of this to say that I am now, fully concentrating on my photo business (while I still maintain a full time job) but luckily this job allows me the weekends off, which is when I would get the most business. I recently bought a desktop which will allow me to work on pictures in a much more convenient manner.
I guess I said all that to promote my new website
www.carriehumphreys.com

I wanted it to be Carrie Kirk...but that was taken, and I am now starting to realize, no mater how hard I try to hang on to my maiden name (we've had some good times kid) I am no longer a Kirk. I can no longer have Star Trek conversations with strangers. Breaks my heart, but I am accepting it. I like the name Humphreys, don't get me wrong...it is just that I was a Kirk for so long, and it was really the only piece of my dad left with me.

So, I better end all this...sorry there is no photograph for me to share with you (the few of you that may still read this) but I wanted to get this out there about the website and business and all...

I leave you now with a quote my best friend has always said once we graduated from MU.

"Expect great things to come"
yea...that sums it up.

I folded my devotion to an origami rose

2011-02-17T20:55:00.000-05:00

Guess who has two thumbs and got a Droid

2011-02-17T05:54:00.001-05:00

This girl right here.

north of the city

2011-01-31T22:25:00.000-05:00

Well, you're sleeping in that southern state

2011-01-31T22:19:00.000-05:00

we are post-everything

2011-01-29T10:35:00.000-05:00

Quick snap from my Point and Shoot after the Cake Concert.

There was love inside the basement

2010-10-03T20:19:00.001-04:00

Its not part of the series I was working on, but I snapped this pic real quick in Sutton at the Elk Hostel.

We accept you, one of us, one of us

2010-09-20T16:40:00.002-04:00

so...i guess I'll play artist again.

the state of the union

2010-08-27T20:41:00.000-04:00

I guess this has been a post that has been in my head for about the past 19 days. I wish I could say I have some wise words of advice to give after having this milestone in my life. I can only hope after the birth of my first kid I do feel somewhat changed.
I can say that real life is not fun...well...its not fun all of the time. Its nice to not be alone. Although, looking back on my life, I guess that is something I never really worried about. I always had my mom, at college I had a whole building of other people. It now gives a person unique opportunities to discuss things you would not get a chance to discuss nor would you really discuss with people. Such as, what you would consider a novelty song, and what isn't. Things like that are the things that you really do treasure.
Those are the fun moments, which I guess if you get it right, are the moments you really treasure. Not who is suppose to do the dishes, or the laundry.
I do feel like I was thrust into this whole wife thing blinded. No sister to ask about, nor friends. Its certinally different waking up early enough to make lunch for two people, slaving over a hot stove, or trying to plan romantic surprises.
I guess I came into this whole thing with an open mind and not really knowing what to expect. I've been disapointed, and I've been plesently surprised.
I guess, any words of advice I can give to those who want to get married, or those who are hesitant about it, or anyone who is just scared...I can't think of a better thing ever created then spending the rest of your life with your best friend.

Here is to my last blog post as Carrie Kirk, and my preparation of starting my new one as Carrie Humphreys...(or as Randall put it, C. Virginia Humphreys. Has a much better ring to it, don't you think?)

baby it's the beer that's smiling,..it ain't me

2010-08-04T23:17:00.000-04:00

And, so it hit. Sitting on the couch at my moms party tonight talking to the photographer, when I turned to David and he mentioned decorating the church tomorrow. It hit me like the lighting out right now, I'm decorating the church for my wedding.
I'm sure all of you (2) readers are getting tired of me doing nothing but talk about this wedding business. It's hard not to write about something that consumes your every thought. Or your entire bank account. I am excited. I'm excited to start my new life, espically sorrouneded by all my friends and family. Really, I don't know what I would have done without you all. All your kind words to David and I (ether in person or in blog). All the help with putting everything together.
So this is I would suspect my last blog entry as a single women. I've been typing out blogs since I was in 8th grade, and this is the biggest life change I've had since I started. And (hopefully) it will be a pleasent one.
So thank you single blog life, you've done me well, but I must be moving on. I hope to see all of you (2) that read this on Saturday.
Love
Carrie.

there is no beginning to this story

2010-08-01T10:00:00.001-04:00

I think its the little things that help one survive sudden changes and stress. And then there are those little things that set you off to cause more stress. I guess I've always been one to tell myself that if I am stressed about an event to happen, e.i. a final in a class, meeting someone new, or as it is now, a wedding, that wither I like it or not, that will take place, and it will happen. I can't stop time, and if I could I would have stopped it long before I got to this point of sitting in the sunroom at 9:40 am 6 days before I am to get married.

There still seems like so much to do. And for about the past month, when we talk to people about it, they say "you still have time" to get this done or that done. Even now they say it. When do you cross that line from having time to having no time? If I listened to them, I imagine I'd be about to walk down teh isle without shoes, and the moment someone said something, just tell them "you said I still had time". At what point do you get so packed up in plans you don't have time.
Obviously I have not reached that point since I am sitting here, surrounded by boxes to be unpacked, and a half empty fridge waiting for Dave to wake up listening to La Bamba being played on the organ.
I am trying to find organ music that does not sound like a funeral. It's quite a daunting task, but not in comparison with some other tasks that have to be done before a wedding. I'm sure one day, you all will know too, if you don't already.

nothing feels good being under the gun

2010-07-11T23:17:00.001-04:00

I gained a cousin...
lost some days...
and technically worked 6 days out of this 7 day week.
everytime I look at that wedding calender, I think i'm going to throw up.
so..I've been better folks.

And I feel like I'm clinging to a cloud

2010-07-09T23:01:00.000-04:00

Congratulations to my Cousin Brent and my future cousin Anita.

I could live to any age, if the breakman turns my way

2010-07-08T23:23:00.001-04:00

Happy Birthday Glen.

Robots and Rubber Ducky shirts

2010-06-30T23:24:00.000-04:00

As soon as I got the all clear, it was go.
I started packing up 26 long years into every kind of container I could find. I had stacks of books, magazines and old t-shirts to get rid of. I had other stacks of books, magazines and t-shirts to keep that was at least twice as tall as the for mentioned stack. All these things to be boxed over seem like a true new chapter in my life. I feel this is refreshing and scary. I have sat many nights recently crying and shaking in fear of this whole thing. The fact I am losing my name, my home, and some freedom as a proclamation my love of one person for the rest of my life is a lot to take in. It’s hard to believe its happening. It’s always been one of those things that when I think about it, I would just think about how people end up in that situation. How people end up with a home of their own, starting a family. All these happy couples though the world. Like our parents. How did they go from child to adult? Was it a smooth transition? Was it exciting or terrifying? I am sure I am feeling what millions and millions have felt before me, and who even more will feel after me. I am changing my life. I can't help but almost compare this feeling to when my father passed away. It seems like all these things happen, and, just like when he died, I looked around and the world kept turning. People kept going about their mundane lives, while mine would go into hyper drive.
My family could be classified in this way. For years my family didn't have weddings. I mean they went a long period of time with no one in the family getting married. Sure, a distant cousin would get married, but it is nothing compared to this summer. This summer there are three weddings, along with the recent news that my cousin Lauren just got engaged to get married next year.
My life will feel so slow come November. After the wedding, the honeymoon, the move etc.
I guess until then, I'll keep packing up all my things I should be letting go.

Happiness is not a fish that I can catch

2010-06-28T23:39:00.000-04:00

This photo has nothing to do with this post.
I guess it might be because this weekend, and really lately its been pretty good. I like the new job, Dave and I got our wedding rings, I got a key made to the new house. Its been good.
I would feel bad though if I didn't mention the news about Senitor Byrd dying this morning.
I heard the news while I was sitting at my desk with the radio on. I almost felt like I was back in 1963 listening to the death of the president. It was odd working in the capitol building, where I have been working now for a while, and have the death of such a WV icon die. The view out the window in my office of the flags at half staff was just a constant reminder.

there is wrestling in my blood

2010-06-22T23:37:00.000-04:00

I am not one to write much anymore in this blog. I just felt the urge to. It could have been a lot of things. It could have been the fact that a few days ago was fathers day. It could be that my dear friend Seth won a wrestling title. It all could be any of these, or maybe it is that hole in my heart that feels like something is missing. I don't speak much of my dad. For a while, when I did, I don' think it was pleasent speak, but more like angry, selfish speak. It not like my life played out like I thought it would in my mind. It not like I expected him to be perfect.
Its no secret that he left my mom and I. But I never seem to include just how much he did love me. I was his daughter. I was the youngest of his 3 kids. I was also the one who lost him at the most inconvenient time in my life.
I guess I still am a bit bitter. Do you know how hard it is to look in the mirror and look like someone you couldn't stand?
I only say this because that conversation we had in the car about his health is still just as fresh in my mind. I can't drive over the bridge without it crossing my mind.The exact spot I told him what he was doing would kill him, and the exact spot he decided to laugh it off. Don't get me wrong. I wish I wouldn't have been right in the situation.
We had our differenes, but it seems as years go by I remember less and less of the fights, and more of these stupid little moments that makes no sense. I remember sitting out on the steps of a house...I'm sure it was one of his girlfriends, and him writting my name on this little scrap of paper. Looking so closely how he formed the C and the how Kirk was written out. So smooth and angled to the right. I remember reading if you do that, you look to the future. I think he did. Even sick with cancer on his bed in the hosptial he had said he would be with me at my wedding.
My stupid young self believed him, and got angry when he died that he couldn't walk me down the isle. How selfish I was, how naive. I know in a few months, when I walk out those doors to see my future husband and the end of that long isle, that I will think of dad. Just for a second. And I know he will be there, and I'll know he kept his promise.

I guess I didn't get to discuses what I wanted to discuses in this post. But this seems like the best possible way to end it.

Darn my socks tip my hat and say goodnight

2010-06-21T23:41:00.000-04:00

You're the yellow bird I've been waiting for.

2010-06-17T21:02:00.000-04:00

people say that your dreams are the only things that save ya

2010-06-15T23:03:00.000-04:00

We let our hair grow long and forget all we used to know

2010-06-15T00:02:00.000-04:00

if my heart was a house, you'd be home

2010-06-08T20:56:00.000-04:00

sort through old photographs of a summer long ago, or a friend that you used to know.

2010-06-07T23:10:00.000-04:00

eventful week. Took some adorable baby photos and beautiful wedding photos and lost a bridesmaid. I feel ok about it all though. Still loved!
And I got an interview this coming thursday for a job that would be a total dream to have.

Oh an incurable humanist you are

2010-06-03T22:49:00.001-04:00

2005

Times Square can't shine as bright as you, I swear it's true

2010-06-02T19:55:00.000-04:00

Ok, so no I obviously didn't take this, but I saw this at work and thought it amazing. Its New York Madison Park in 1882. Whats amazing about it is over to the right, you can see the statue of liberty's arm and torch. Pieces of the famous landmark were scattered though the city while they were constructing the body. How cool that must have been to see.

It took a while to accept our fate, and all the chance it eliminates

2010-05-31T22:53:00.001-04:00

2010-04-26T01:00:00.000-04:00

Live in a blue house on a blue street, in a blue town by a blue creek

2010-04-26T00:53:00.000-04:00

his letter jacket's got an ace up his sleeve.

2010-04-26T00:50:00.000-04:00

2010-04-20T00:29:00.000-04:00

these guys right here...yea..they are all pretty awesome.

Sometimes I worry that I've lost the plot

2010-04-15T22:13:00.000-04:00

2010-02-17T12:39:00.002-05:00

2010-02-08T14:00:00.000-05:00

the carrot's going to dangle until the diamond is appraised

2010-01-12T20:48:00.000-05:00

"I can take pictures of my house...you take pictures of my home" - David

there is endless entertainment in thinking the world is going to end

2010-01-06T15:04:00.000-05:00

I guess there is no better time then now to update. My job has been keeping me busy and every once and a while allow me to still be creative. Since the snow, I have been staying here at the Humphreys.
Christmas was good to me. I got a couple of pretty awesome things and just about everything I wanted. Nothing to complain about. I think everyone liked there gifts which is what more important to me then anything with the holiday season. New Years was fun too, but a little sad that not everyone could be there.
This past holiday made me feel incredible old. I would love to go more in depth here, but, I just didn't see the point. I guess its time to say goodbye to those good time.
I know its short and doesn't seem fair since I never update..but I am pretty busy, and my free time is all about David, my family, and the wedding planning anymore...but..it happens

you can't break out of a circle, that you never knew you were in

2009-12-08T20:21:00.000-05:00

been to busy to write. maybe I will soon...maybe not

Don't be a criminal in this police state

2009-11-16T01:05:00.000-05:00

The house is moving along fine. We looked at carpet and faucets this weekend.

Part of me hates this.

Friday night David and I spent the evening looking though Toys R Us. Not that is a place I don't go often, because I am positive I go to it more often then most people my age, but while I was wondering down all those isles looking at toys that reminded me of my childhood, I craved to be 6 years old. Somewhere along the lines of my life, I crossed that line where I learned just a little to much. I learned a little to much math I will never use. I learned about wars and came up with opinions. I learned about flatware, making holes in the ozone, and that chocolate rots your teeth. I learned that you can't mix white clothes with colored clothes. I learned that little green pieces of paper were more important then that last Oreo in the cookie jar.

I don't want to think about this stuff. I don't want to go in a store and spend more time in the dishware isle talking about non-stick cookware. I want to go down the barbie isle and think of all these ways I could do her hair. I want to go down the toy isle and not be able to reach every freak'n shelf. Instead I am wondering down an isle devoted to dishtowels and figuring out which color would go best with the decor.
I want to go back to the age where I did not know what "decor" is.

El cielo es azul just don't go telling anyone

2009-11-09T00:39:00.000-05:00

Uneventful weekend I suppose. Least not as exciting as heading out of town to Columbus or Louisville as the past few weekend has been. I spent Saturday evening at my old church for my Uncle Daniels 70th birthday. At first, I was shocked to hear he was turning 70. He is one of those people in your family who does not seem to ever age. Most of my family is like that actually. Maybe that goes for all families, but I can only account for mine. As he was opening his gifts and share special moments with the family, I took a few quick pictures. Something my family doesn't do as much as they use to. It wasn't until I went back and looked at them, I really see them getting old, and how there face looks a little more tired. How you can see everything he had been though written all over his face.
It was the same as I sat at a table consisting of my mom, David, my Uncle Paul and my Aunt Delores. My Uncle Paul sat across from me and I felt like I haven't seen him in years when I really see him just about every weekend when I go and see Dina, Tim and my little cousin Liam. I saw the same on his face that I did on Daniels in those photos. I saw all those stories I grew up hearing of there childhood written all over there aging faces. I saw the stresses of war on my uncle Daniels face, I saw the joy of all the sermons he preached that lead people to the lord. I saw the hard childhood my uncle Paul faced being second oldest in a family with 6 children. I saw the joy of all those hunting trips, all those moments both men shared with there daughters, all those moments those men shared with there grandchildren.
It really puts everything in perspective the moment you realize that the world will keep going on.

this town will make you crazy, crazy as a loon

2009-11-04T01:04:00.000-05:00

Not much worth writing lately. I have been attempting to get together all my Conor Oberst CDs and find a few that weren't really released online. I think I have an almost complete collection that totals about 290 songs. 19.3 hours worth of music from the beautiful song writer.
I also found an interview where he basically makes fun of himself for people thinking he is so "emo".
Besides this going on, I recently (meaning earlier today) took a test for a job at the Capitol which actually required a degree in fine arts. Can you believe it?
As I sat there waiting for it this large fellow sat beside me and struck up a conversation. Nothing of great importance really. Just he works as an office assistant at the Capitol and does not like it.
He also seems to be one of the few people who go to take those tests that has not been in the army or marines, or has been a correction officer.

uhg. I think I have blog block.
nothing interesting coming to me tonight.

if i were livin in a mansion, i'd probably just sleep out on the deck

2009-11-02T00:33:00.000-05:00

You would not even believe security at this thing. The second they saw you with a camera or cell phone, they came over with a flashlight and a no recording sign. It was unbelievable.

Regardless, to no surprise people still got some pretty awesome shots, and a few videos. Two of them as KISS and one during Conor Oberst Ballad "We Are Nowhere, and its Now"

The crowd was into the whole show, but of course all the My Morning Jacket songs made them go crazy. It makes since considering that where they are from. Sadly Conor Oberst Bright Eyes songs did not get that much attention except his newer songs from the most recent Bright Eyes cd. His older stuff just didn't sit right with the audience.

This is my second time seeing him, the first was awesome, but I knew very little about him, and cared really even less. It wasn't until I actually bought the cd Lifted that I feel in love with his music.

I will never forget that show as long as I live. Those boys put there heart into it. They played for a solid 2 hours and 15 mins. Then took an intermission to come back in full KISS costume along with the platform shoes, then played for another good 45 mins. They ended the show with the winners from the costume contest on stage, and a giant rabbit they pulled up on stage via these two huge body guards. They ended the show with "Rock n' Roll All Nite" and the crowd did not stop cheering until the lights came back up.
In a news article, they explained that the boys were "spent" and could not return for a second Encore.

"They opened with “Detroit Rock City” and closed with “Rock and Roll All Nite,” leaving the crowd wanting more. But the love gun was out of ammo. The boys were spent.

Another song would have been too dangerous, anyway. Oberst, as Paul Stanley, nearly broke an ankle trying to negotiate his 8-inch heels, and his rock star climb onto the drum riser looked more like a geriatric trying to get out of his Hoveround. Their point was well made, however; Monsters of Folk is a band of serious musicians who don’t take themselves seriously, at least not all of the time."

There won't be another show as good as that one for the rest of the tour. All others will be great, but not as amazing. The costumes really did it. Even though David said he knew they were going to do it, he at least looked surprised and I am at least glad about that.

Regardless, I was surprised and so was every other single person in that theatre.
My next goal is definitely to see Oberst perform in Omaha. I would like to accomplish this when he goes on tour in 2010 for the new Bright Eyes album before he retires the name.

And I'm saying nothing in the past or future ever will feel like today

2009-11-01T17:00:00.000-05:00

Another Traveling Song - MOF as KISS

the most amazing show I have ever seen. Best Halloween ever.
that is all I gota say for now...

You write such beautiful words, but lifes no story book.

2009-10-29T02:17:00.000-04:00

I have been a fan of Conor Oberst now for about 7 years and some change.
I know I mentioned him before, but I also want to make it clear I am not emo, nor do I think I have ever been emo.
I admire him for his words.

I am going to see him in concert on Halloween in Louisville Ky. About 4 hours away. Its the closest show he is playing and I am so glad I get to go with my favorite person in the world, to hear my favorite artist in the world, on my favorite night of the year.
I loved Halloween until the Andrew thing, then I didn't like it anymore and slowly got out of that funk, and this memory I will be making will surpass those bad ones by far.

I am sure I will write all about it, although I can't see why anyone would want to read it.

The keys in the pool, the husband in the morgue! You dream too much about water in this house!

2009-10-26T04:52:00.000-04:00

I have wanted to see Les diaboliques for about 5 years now. I finally got a chance to see it tonight. I had to wait until 2am when it came on, but it was well worth it. I own the VHS tape of it, never opened. I bought it at a flee market about 2 years ago and have not owned a dependable VCR to watch it on. Also, I know very few people who would sit with me to watch a foreign films and read subtitles. This October is getting off to a slow start with watching horror movies for me. Much slower then normal, but I think it is ok. All the new ones I have watched have been well worth it. The Tingler was everything I hoped it to be and much more, Les diaboliques had so many twists in it I was generally surprised of the ending, and the Skeleton of Cadavera was a laugh a minute. So, I would say so far a good October horror movie month indeed.

To the counter-culture copyright, get your revolution at a lower price

2009-10-22T03:16:00.001-04:00

I always thought I kept good track of my life because it was interesting..
Maybe I was wrong.
I lived out my life like a movie, and now looking back I can see how dumb that was. I was not at all like how I am now 5 or 6 or 7 years ago. When I started college at Marshall I attended Basketball games. I went to the gay bar every Friday night to dance. I wore short skits, I dated, I started drama, I finished drama. My life was thrilling. I went to frat parties, I had fun with friends. I had fights with friends. I almost punched a girl. I slapped a boy.
My life well now... I guess I grew up, and I am doing what every person does. I went to college, I learned a great deal, I had fun, I made friends, lost friends, made more friends, found love and grew up.

I guess that is why I took a long time to get back into the blog writing mode. Some things did not change like my love of horror movies, my passion for photography. I think I could still rock a music theory test, and Bright Eyes is still my favorite musician. All my blogs talked about daily activities like how I did on my theory test, how ecstatic I was during that time period when Tom called me everyday. How angry I was that Joe at lunch with Amy and not me. How I would shower, watch tv, do theory homework, and go to bed.
My life back then was not as exciting as I remember. I think those posts that take up maybe 80% of my journals are there to remind me my life has been average...completely average. Now, its not dry, its still average, but I can look at things in a much better prospective.

three cheers for growing up.

L. O. V. E. its a mystery

2009-10-20T03:25:00.000-04:00

David and I had this conversation that someone somewhere would come up with some deep meaning to Where the Wild Things Are.
That's fine, I have no problem with the movie having some kind of deep meaning to some people, but really? It is a children s book. It took an unbelievably dark turn. I don't see how anyone can say that the movie was what they expected to see from reading the book or the movie trailer.
I can totally see how you think it these different sides to Max, and this deep meaning, but the normal movie goer (or children, which the movie was made for) would never get that, in a million years. Taking the movie just from the surface, it was disappointing, and had to much of a dark overtone for my taste.
The "deeper" perspective of the movies just seems to complex and a bit over the top and just conflicting.
I really want to like Max, but in this movie, his character was just unlovable.... Read more
My deep impression of the film was more simplistic I guess. I felt it showed that as long as you can do something for someone, people will like you. They didn't like Max from beginning because he caused trouble, but as soon as he said he could do all this great stuff for them, they loved him. It was visually amazing, but felt unsettling. I really wish it didn't because I really want to like it.

I will probably see the movie again with my Mom sometime in the next few weeks.
After going to see it, I got back home and was telling her how disappointed I was with it, and how I saw it. She had a different view of it just from what I told her. I don't know..maybe seeing it a second time will change my mind.

get your gun and meet me half way

2009-10-19T02:22:00.001-04:00

I have not taken any new photography images in quite sometime. I've done some pretty cool point and shoot images, but nothing that I actually took the time to set up or anything since I graduated.

I love photography, but I love editing more. Which is why I got so excited when asked to go to Herbert Hoover High School and teach one class on Photoshop and Illustrator. I could really not be more excited. Its only one class thats 45 mins next week, but I am psyched about it.
It gives me a reason to be creative again.

I guess until then, I will just keep editing old photographs like the one above. I feel I have to since I have ended up learning so much right before and right after graduation to get my images to be exactly how I would picture them.

Nobody means anything to you anymore, unless they're dead and you can root around in them with your sharp little knives.

2009-10-15T00:47:00.000-04:00

This might be more of a rant then an actual post, but it seems like it would be wrong of me not to type what is on my mind.
Tonight, I went to the TV room to pick out a horror movie I might watch later since I have so many that I have never even opened. Well, while looking I found my DVD of old horror movie trailers.
I put it in and was watching it and a few caught my eye like Dr. Terror's House of Horrors but the one that suck with me was the trailer for The Tingler. The director William Castle gave a short into at the beginning of the trailer that stated :

"I am William Castle, the director of the motion picture you are about to see. I feel obligated to warn you that some of the sensations— some of the physical reactions which the actors on the screen will feel— will also be experienced, for the first time in motion picture history, by certain members of this audience. I say 'certain members' because some people are more sensitive to these mysterious electronic impulses than others. These unfortunate, sensitive people will at times feel a strange, tingling sensation; other people will feel it less strongly. But don't be alarmed— you can protect yourself. At any time you are conscious of a tingling sensation, you may obtain immediate relief by screaming. Don't be embarrassed about opening your mouth and letting rip with all you've got, because the person in the seat right next to you will probably be screaming too. And remember— a scream at the right time may save your life."

Now, I had heard about some of the things his movies had done before like the life insurance thing for Macabre or the skeleton for House on Haunted Hill.

It seems he went all out for this movie though, installing small buzzers under a few theatre seats at a few of the larger theatres, having people stand in as people to faint and be carried away on a gurney. Have a fake ambulance or nurses in the lobby.
It seems amazing the lengths people use to go to to frighten the audience. They spent $250,000 on those buzzers that were actually parts of planes they used in WWII to vibrate and get ice off wings.

The film would appear to rip and the outline of the "tingler" would appear and then Vincent Prices voice would come on and say something like "The Tingler is out somewhere in this theatre". They would then buzz the few seats that had the buzzers.

I think this is another situation that I would go back in time just to do this. This has to be an experience that no one would forget. If I ever own my own thatre, I am doing this like this.

This level of excitement should seriously come back in style. This was genius.

pumpkins pumpkins are you scary?

2009-10-14T02:53:00.000-04:00

If you can define something by what they like, I think I would be a strange one indeed.
Besides people, my favorite things are cabbage, Halloween, horror movies and novelty songs.
These have been my favorite things since I was a real little girl. I think this is the first time I have fully admitted my love of novelty music.
It is easy to see how the last two things go together. I espically love novelty Halloween music. Almost all of my favorite memories growing up deal in some say with one of these two things.
When I was younger I went to the Kanawha Library every Saturday with my aunt. I may have mentioned this before though. I loved the forth floor. If you have never been there, that is the audio-visual department. I always went there to check out records (I'm not that old really). I always checked out this one record that has Halloween poems, one being my favorite by Jack Prelutsky.
Jack Prelutsky was a childrens poet who wrote this poem called The Ghoul.

The gruesome ghoul, the grisly ghoul,
without the slightest noise
waits patiently beside the school
to feast on girls and boys

He lunges fiercely though the air
as they com out to play,
and grabs a couple my the hair
and drags them far away.

He cracks their bones and snap their backs
and squeezes out their lungs,
he chew their thumbs like candy snacks
and pulls apart their tongues.

He slices their stomachs and bite their hearts
and tears their flash to shreds,
he swallows their toes like toasted tarts
and gobbles down their heads

Fingers, elbow, hands and knees
and arms and legs and feet-
he eats them with delight and ease,
for every part's a treat.

And when the gruesome grisly ghoul
has nothing left to chew,
he hurries to another school
and waits. . . perhaps for you.

I listened and memorized this poem and recited it at the big Halloween show the 6th grade teacher put on every year. I started reciting it in 4th grade and went on until I was in 6th. This Halloween show was the only reason I was excited to get to 6th grade. I remember all the work the class put into putting on this huge show with songs, poems, and plays. There were two main plays, one that was always the same about these little kids having a costume party, and wanting there scarecrows to join.
The other changed over the years, but the year I was in it the play was the Three Little Witches. I was in it, and was the youngest of the witches. I still find myself a little proud of this accomplishment.
I only remember one line of the whole play though and that is

"pumpkins pumpkins are you scary?"

yea...that sums it up I think :)

Like a story told, by the fault lines and the soil.

2009-10-12T03:20:00.000-04:00

I listened to a lecture of nonsense until dawn by a plagiary poet with dark glasses on.

2009-10-09T01:37:00.000-04:00

I all of a sudden got really tired.
I went in the tv room to sort out some vhs tapes Dave and I are transferring to DVD tomorrow, came back with a movie to watch tonight, and now I think I might just go to bed instead.
I also found out, that the time stamp that I had been having post on my blogs was off by 3 hours. I had to change it to eastern time zone...fantastic.
So all of you reading that thought I was posting these at a decent hour, you were all mistaken...it is now 1:26am.
I was suppose to go to the Black Walnut Festival with Stephanie tomorrow, but looks like I am going on Sunday. I am not 100% sure what all there is to do there. I am mostly concerned about the band festival, but probably won't stay to see it.
Well, as I said before, I am tired and should go to bed before I get that second wind of energy.

open all the doors and send you out into the world

2009-10-08T03:04:00.000-04:00

I just got done watching Away We Go.
I think all think thinking about student loans, and jobs have blocked how lucky I really am. I mean, I always have a place to call home. I am going to marry the man of my dreams, I am going to start my own life, head on. I will be out of debt before my future kids go to college, that's what important to me.
I shouldn't be so down on everything. I did something most people can't say they did. I picked a major in college that is something I love...and I stayed until I finished what I started.
Making life long friends and meeting the person I want to spend my life with...just added bonuses

They locked the devil in the basement

2009-10-08T00:51:00.000-04:00

I guess I haven't updated because I've been a little under the weather, and really there is nothing to update about.
I am still jobless minus the few freelance things I get to do.
That is better then nothing though.
I am throwing around the idea of going back to school to get a degree I can use. Maybe one of those two year degrees or something.
I'm running on empty with this whole job thing.

Ok, I guess I better post a real entry now since I am so far behind. I am suppose to go to the black walnut festival with Stephanie this Friday and abandoned house hunting with her on Saturday. I began to fall in love with abandoned property when I was in my first year of the photo program at Marshall. I spent most of my free time searching online for places I could go and shoot some old bw rolls of 35mmfilm.

I miss doing that. Actually, I miss a lot of stuff about my undergrad year. Espically the people, the laughs, the talks. I miss even the smell of the darkroom when I would be in there until 2, 3, or 4am. I miss the magic that happens when you slide that paper into the developer. I miss the joy you feel when you hold something you made, something you really really made. When you develop everything yourself. Nothing beats that.

And I grew up on alcoholic evenings and slow jazz music to keep my heart beating

2009-10-05T00:46:00.000-04:00

I am always trying to find inspiration in my blogs from the past. My life was so much more interesting when I would update my livejouranl page 5 or 6 times a day. Although mostly it was stupid quizzes, lyrics I liked, or one sentence entries.
Every once and a while I find things I wrote that even if I try really really hard, I can't recal those feelings. All those things I talk about how I will never forget how that cd fit my life at the one second on that long drive.
The feeling of his sleeve, or smell of his hair.
The moments crying at the door of my dorm listening to my friends talk about me down the hall way.
The soothing sounds of the steel mill out my window on hot August nights.
I did delete the old photos, but not all those entries. It is as if my life has been documented for the whole internet to read since I was in 8th grade.
When you life is like that, you don't feel exposed because no one would really sit and read that stuff, you just feel like you are living a very well documented life.
All those good days..
All those bad ones,
are nothing but a combination of who I am and what I've become.

I think I've kept the good stuff about me though, just got rid of a lot of the lame things.

Thank you stranger for your therapeutic smile

2009-10-01T21:30:00.000-04:00

I am a bargin hunter.
Every fall a church where I live has a rummage sale.
I get to go there a day before they open to shop because my mom and I create the signs for there sale.
I went and found a cute pair of shoes, some winter sweaters, an owl clock, a pick elephant some scarfs, a blue nintendo ds, and a nintendo Super Scope for David, complete, in box, looks new for 50 cents...
I also bought

which I felt should be included since the last post talked about Emily.

That is all.

Fill your hands with something tangible and fly your love like a flag.

2009-09-30T05:34:00.000-04:00

I always feel I have to come up with something clever to actual be able to write. Problem being my life is not clever or readable...I just like to pretend that it is.

The other day hanging out with Stephanie in the mall we went into the toy store and they had a book there I had not seen or even thought of in a really long time.
I use to read so much when I was younger. I was always taking those accelerated reader tests at school, I was in the summer reading program at the library. I even won a set of National Geographic books from one of those summers. I always read Goosebumps. I also always read books like Miss Nelson is Missing and Nate the Great.
I was so happy when Emily the Strange became so popular because it was from all those Nate the Great books I read growing up. Its like when I saw that stuff out, I always felt I could appreciate it more then some teenybopper.

Sorry its so short and not so sweet...
I guess this is a post to help me get motivated to start reading again.

It's a road that you've paved over Indian graves

2009-09-29T00:47:00.000-04:00

ehh...tired...
Ok, so boring day today. I did a little work for Greg, and then headed to the movies with my long time friend Steph to see Fame. Defiantly not what I expected, but I do agree with Steph when she said it would have been much more entertaining as a tv show then a movie.
After that we became mall rats. Something I had not been in a very long time. Not buying anything, but just walking around in stores and admiring all the things neither of us really wanted to spend the money on. We tried on Halloween accessories and sniffed candles at bath and body works.

After the mall we headed our separate ways. It is getting late, but as the title suggests, I can't really sleep until I just doze off anymore. So..I pulled out of one of the thousand of DVDs I own and have yet to watch. I am going to be watching Kaiki daikazoku. It is a comedy..I think..
Anyways, I'm sure I'll let you all in on how it was and if it was worth the $3 I spent on it.

I am sorry these entries aren't exciting as I had hoped they would be. October is always and my favorite time of year and hopefully I'll have plenty to comment on this month...like new movies coming out, festivals etc.

What a scene has got you sentimental

2009-09-28T01:50:00.000-04:00

I had an amazing time in Columbus this weekend with Ally, Glen, Hillary and of course Dave. I would also love to talk about it, but I have something of a sadder note to get on.

Most Chuck Taylors last anywhere from 6 months-1 year before a new ones must be bought. This is the case for me so I now own a set of black high tops, pink high tops (signed by Jimmy Hart) and purple high tops (that I wore for my joker costume in Chicago), but I only have one pair of Chuck Taylor that hit at the ankle.

These shoes I have owned since 2003. I love these shoes. These shoes have walked the streets of New York City, travailed down long isles of comic books in Chicago. These shoes have been on a New Jersey train, and walked the putt putt courses of Columbus and Myrtle Beach. These shoes have walked down Main Street to Cinderellas castle, and has dropped in an elevator from the 13th floor. These shoes have met Frank Miller, Gunner Hanson, and Mickey Mouse. These shoes have heard the vocal stylings of Van Halen, Guns and Roses, and Brighteyes.These shoes have been to multiple venues from rock bands at the HYAMP to children shows like Disney on Ice. These shoes were the shoes on my feet that took me to Davids so many times. Even that very first walk from the HYAMP to his house before we were dating. These shoes have been though dozens of friends, 4 pairs of shoe laces, 3 boyfriends, and multitudes of laughter, fights, and tears...
I wore these shoes when I said "YES!"
Some of the best times of my life, have been in these shoes...
These shoes died today.
These shoes, held together by duct tape and dreams, have fallen apart. Mud soaked, and broken, I am officially retiring them.
Even before finally giving in, walking into the mall in Columbus with some of the best people I know, Dave made the comment he thought it was time to get rid of them. My comment back was "why, the duct tape hasn't come off yet?"
Well..it did after going though a haunted house Saturday night.

I came out of the maze laughing with my friends and covered in mud to look down and see the death of an icon, my dear chucks...you will be missed.

mohammed rolling dice with christ at twilight…

2009-09-24T21:45:00.000-04:00

This might be short for the simple reason that I am tired and I will be taking advantage of it shortly since I normally don't' go to sleep until way late.
Today I picked up the last of my wedding dress pieces, and did some light shopping including picking up the Monsters of Folk cd at Target.

I also got a stack of paperwork to do for the job at the VA that I start in October. One can hope that they will find a more solid spot for me at Imagine This. I filled them out and got ready to make a copy of all my id stuff only to find my license expired. great...so now I am going to try to go to bed early to get up early to go and wait at the stupid DMV to renew the sucker, then mail all this stuff out and maybe...maybe go to Columbus for the weekend.

Besides this goings on, nothing exciting is happening right now. I wish it was. I miss the rush and all the excitement I would get from being at Marshall. Always something going on and something to do.
It will be nice to have an actual 9-5 job for a short while to at least pretend I am an adult. However short lived it might be.

whats happening while your sleeping

2009-09-24T03:31:00.000-04:00

Ah, I see me not have a regular job might prevent these posts from being very interesting.
Have you ever woke up in a bad mood. You weren't mad, or upset at anything, just kind of in a bad mood. That was today. For no real reason. I had plenty of real reasons to, but none of those were bothering me.

So, because of this, and the fact all I did today was go to the store and work on a poster for a high school for work...I needed to find something to talk about..so...a while back, I was cleaning out my purses, and I found an SD card in one. I put it in my laptop and found, what people now a days would consider old (but I remember in high school even going out and buying film for my 35mm camera)
on it was a photo that is a good representation of how I had been feeling recently. (minus the joy from the last entry)

first off, I was not goth, I never have been. I at one point had my hair super red and this seems like it would be nice to do. Also, being away from college gave me the freedom to do this.
This is a good representation not because I am screaming in it, the fact that everything in that photo meant something to me, and even though one thing might have had me down, there were so many good things I overlooked.
When this photo was taken I was living in, basically, a closet. This was the smallest room I have ever seen in my life. On top of that, it had no AC, One small window, no closet, and a sink which made the room so much smaller.
When I was in this dorm, it was when they were filming WE ARE MARSHALL. I was super annoyed about it because it made me late to my classes having to take the long way around, we would have to leave lights on at certain times of the day, and they tore off all the dogwood blooms to make it look like fall. The thing that bothered me more was the fact that before the movie came out, I would always spend the day of the plane crash at the fountain ceremony. It was sad, but touching. Now, when they have it, its a big show. People go to it because there was a movie about it, not because it really was an awful thing that happened.
I figure this was my bad mood for the photo.
Also in that picture though is the wardrober that I had to use for my clothes, and on top of it is my poison ivy costume I wore with my great friends for Halloween.
On my bed was my art box, that I would carry with pride. I loved the idea people on campus would look at me and think "she is an art major". I think I never fit into any other major I tried. Those people were my second family. I saw them more then anyone else.
When you take art classes they are usually twice a week at 3 hours long each time. You learn a lot about a person when you sit by them for such a long time. Take that time, and multiply it by 4 years, and you get some of my best friends.
I guess this entry is dedicated to the comments left a while back on how I wish I never went to college...and both of you guys were right.
Glen, I won't trade my college years for anything. I did grow, a lot. I learned I could make it on my own. I learned that if there was something I wanted, that I would have to work hard for it and I would get it.
Lisa, I agree with everything you've said, I even fixed my website, but I did do what you said, the second I got that degree in my hand.
I get that the economy is to bad, or they don't need anyone, or they would call me and never do, or I get that dreaded "you are over qualified" answer.
My mom taught me never to settle. I won't, I have a few jobs lined up that are good money for a while, but I will keep looking for that one job I will fall in love with. My loans will get payed off, maybe not this year or in 5 years, but I have my life, and money is not that important in the scheme of things.

if you can face the music...

2009-09-23T02:32:00.000-04:00

I was born a band geek

Tonight I went to the Kanawha County Majorette Festival. I am going to say Majorette loosely, because only half the bands there had Majorettes.
I got involved in music when I was in the 4th grade. For two years I played Violin, and was in all county. I did not pick it up again after that till I went to a workshop my music teacher told me to go to in 8th grade. After the violin, I tried flute and hated it. I ended up with clarinet.
I had played clarinet for about 9 years. I stopped when I changed majors in college.
I still love music and it will always have a place in my heart.
As I was sitting on those cold metal bleachers watching my dear Alumni march across the field, I tried to remember some of those moments when I was down there on the field. I tried to remember my first festival. We marching to Chicago. It was I think the best the band has ever been. We were only 70 members, but we were good...real good.
My junior year, people from all schools were excited to see us because the high school had just added freshmen. We were then about 110 members. We were good, but not grand champion good. I don't remember a lot of my junior year except I marched with the tubas.
They ran out of spots for clarinets and gave me the number 24 and a half. I had to figure out where I would be on the field at band camp, and create my own spots. Worked great until the second song, and the only place for me to go was between the drums. I then spent every break he gave the band finding my new spot. It was 110. The last number in band. I was always on the end, and I was beside tubas...a clarinet beside tubas.
My third year I was field commander and it was Earth Wind and Fire. I remember this year the clearest. I was the first girl the band had in such a position. I remember standing on the 50 yard line, looking up at all these people watching me. I remember just about every word the band director said to me walking out on that field. The band was 125. The largest it had been in years..maybe ever.
I guess that why I look back at high school how I do. People I didn't know, knew who I was because of that. It wasn't the power, or the slight fame that was tagged on to that position, but how it made me feel it was a way to pay back music for everything it had done for me.

this man named max

2009-09-22T02:50:00.000-04:00

I would not be very happy if my post for today was nothing but a small gif and a comment about a tv show..so here we go..i'll try to come up with something to write about.

I have always been addicted to websites, not other websites, just mine. When I was in the 8th grade, I could sit down and just start typing HTML codes like mad. It was something I did, that no one knew about really. I never talk about it with my friends, I never brought it up. Actually..likes a lie, I brought it up twice in my life to people. One was when I got the historian job for the high school theatre. I designed, and set up an easy to use and very stylish website, just to have the women over my high schools server to never get around to posting it. The second time was when I was in 10th grade and I mentioned it to my friend Tom.
Tom and I go way back, and I feel that he has been the only one who I have known to have the same passion for websites I do. We even at one point, well he did as a surprise, created a website for both of us called "Carrie And Tom: Classical Music for the Criminally Insane" We were absolutely inseparable in high school. Until he moved.
I met him when he came up and asked if I was friends with my friend Angie. He told me to tell her he still had her colored pencils. He also refused to give me his name. Now, I have, at this point in my life, never had a boy talk to me. But, then again over the summer I had lost 50lbs and got contacts.
That one thing turned into a friendship I charash so much. He moved away the end of my 10th grade year, but we kept in touch though email and a few phone calls. I won't lie, I truly loved him. When he moved, I wrote him an really long letter, probably about 10 pages. I also gave him a small silver heart that read first love.
We still talk now, not as much, but he is one of the few people I think I would really do anything for.

I guess, him and I have been friends for about 10 years.
I think that's enough of an accomplishment to dedicated a short little blog to.

"Those days with you at Marshall were some of the happiest of my life" - Max

House

2009-09-22T00:41:00.000-04:00

So... 8o'clock I watched House

It was pretty awesome.

I don't make plans, except to go away

2009-09-20T23:27:00.000-04:00

When you aren't in school or hold a normal work schedule, you can loose track of days.
So...sunday.
Not much to talk about. I went to see my cousin Liam today. His mother has been talking about buying him a DSi, and I took mine to show her how it works..and he fell in love with scribblenauts. He would make creatures, then use a bomb to blow them up.

I just downloaded an animation program on my dsi...I thought it might be cute to make them for my day to day life..lets see how long this lasts.

Besides that, my day consisted of a DSi art lesson, and listening to my mom yell for the football players on the tv to run.

I had an idea to do a post like some people on youtube to about writting a letter to 10 year old me...
I might save that for tomorrow.

The Devils Tower

2009-09-20T01:53:00.000-04:00

My weekend has not turned out how I would have liked it to. I had football tickets to Charleston vs Concord. I ended up not going because I did not want to go by myself and no one seemed to want to go with me.
I guess at least I have the Majorette Festival to look forward to on Tuesday.
Friday night I went to the funeral of this women who was a friend of the family. I grew up knowing her and my mom grew up being best friends with her brother. The service was at Fiddler and Frame Funeral Home. There wasn't a lot of people there I know, so after talking to my Uncle a bit, I went to look around and remembered they had this really need wooden house there. It is dark, very dark wood, and hand carved cathedral called the Devils Tower. It has a huge oval window in the middle. It has a small note attached to the top that was written with a typewriter, so long ago the paper is now stained. It says it was created by a mental patient over the course of 10 years. When he died, it was unfinished. He had no family and no other possessions. When they came to get the body, they gave the funeral home the cathedral. It is now under glass in one of the sitting rooms.
The whole place is filled with interesting art. All the other pieces are paintings done by the man who originally owned the funeral home.
I am afraid not much is going on...I am going to the homecoming service at my old church tomorrow morning. It should be nice.

i'm still fumbling for

2009-09-19T01:09:00.000-04:00

I always end up making these blogs and deleting them. Mostly because of all the typos, and the lack of how interesting my life really is. Then you get that odd, "how to start a blog for people to be intrigued who don't know you will keep reading" type entry. So, I am going about this first, offical entry as if you know me. I am just going to type everything on my mind at the moment I open this url link...ready, set. GO

I am staying home tonight because Dave is sick with the flu (the boyfriend). I usually spend the weekend at his place since he works durring the week. I however and still unemployed...kind of. I have been doing freelance work. So, while I am getting a paycheck, if perchance I am asked to fill our a form of where I work...I would check unemployed.
You know..you go though high school (at least in my life) and don't even give it a second thought about going off to college. Then you go off, and you do well, you become involved in activities and everyone tells you to keep going, finish, and you will get a good job. They lied. Every adult I have ever told I was in college lied to me. It was the biggest mistake I ever made. Now, I am unemployed and have a piece of paper that costs me $40,000 that I am now forced to pay back with this imaginary money.
I know I will be ok, and everyone tells me I will regret saying I wish I never went to college, but I don't see it that way now. I hope they are right and I am wrong.
I can't say much though, my life has never been how I hoped it to be. Lots of bad relationships, all my friends from high school are married with kids, I feel I was in a 5 year time warp..
This has given me the time to go though all my music and reliable it...how sad is that. It has also helped me gather almost every conor oberst song in existence. I'm happy about that.
I love the lyrics..so much. I think another reason I love it is when I first heard it. I remember I was hanging out with this guy I really liked, but we were so different. We were sitting in his car, having this very intense conversation..and he was playing his cd. It was one of those few moments in your life that you feel you are in a movie. That millions of people are watching you have this conversation because in those moments, every word you say has such a significance, such an importance, you feel like it should be written down, saved, and passed on.
I don't even remember the conversation, or what it was about. I know it was sad, very very sad.

you were the blue of the sky
you came after the storm
you were the switch on the wall
in the dark of the hall
i'm still fumbling for